Many people assume a cynical atheist like myself would hate Christmas but as a matter of fact I actually quite like Christmas. I don't like a lot of the stuff that goes along with Christmas, chief amongst this hatred is the music. I used to work in a supermarket that seemed to have only two Christmas albums, which is fine for the customer who would likely be done before even the first album finished. I found listening to the same twenty songs torturous. Most songs that are released in conjunction with some event are not very good and Christmas is no exception. I don't see why just because it's Christmas we should listen to bad music but that is what most musicians have given us. Over the years a number of reputable artists have released Christmas albums or the odd original song as well as a wide selection of interesting covers. Some of my favourite Christmas songs include Christmas All Over Again by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, the wonderfully blasphemous Jesus the Reindeer by Emmy the Great and Tim Wheeler, Get Behind Me Santa by Sufjan Stevens and Just Like Christmas by Low and they are all artists that pass my stringent criteria for being real musicians. The undisputed best Christmas song is Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) by Darlene Love and there is an excellent cover by Slow Club. Love's original is full of emotion and her voice is absolutely outstanding and say what you like about Phil Spector he knew what he was doing when it came to music.
Matt Berry seems to have inside knowledge about what television and music I like - not content with only appearing in Garth Marenghi's Dark Place, The Mighty Boosh, Snuff Box, Toast of London, The IT Crowd and more he is also a brilliant, albeit exceedingly odd, musician. He has released four studio albums and a live album and I recommend them all (Opium is the oddest while Music for Insomniacs is very much what it says it is). In terms of Christmas a number of year ago he made a half-hour rock opera about the Nativity but from the point of view of the relatively minor character, the innkeeper who had no room. It is thirty minutes of absolute genius and/or madness, perfect Christmas viewing and has one of the best titles of anything and really the only acceptable name for a rock opera about the birth of Jesus, AD/BC.
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| Julian Barratt playing Tony Iscariot |
My go-to film for Christmas is Scrooged, a Christmas story with no Santa Claus or Jesus, but with Bill Murray. Murray is the perfect star for a Christmas film as he shares many of the characteristics of the two main characters associated with Christmas; he is a seemingly legendary or mythic character, known for inexplicable acts of kindness and oddness whose career seemingly died and was then resurrected and unlike them he's not imaginary. And this year Bill Murray has released a Christmas Special on Netflix! It looks like some odd comedy vehicle, rather than a genuine Christmas show (think Knowing Me Knowing Yule with Alan Partridge). Aside from Scrooged other good Christmas films are The Nightmare Before Christmas, Muppets Christmas Carol, Gremlins (but be prepared, that's a much darker film than people remember) and if you only want the mildest hint of Christmas these films are set at, but not about, Christmas; Die Hard, Batman Returns, Trading Places, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and if you're looking for something particularly dark, Terry Gilliam's dystopian masterpiece Brazil was set at Christmas. I do like Miracle on 34th Street but I am of the opinion the judge in that film made the wrong call, if I'd been the director it would have ended very differently.
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| The much darker than remembered Gremlins |
I find myself increasingly annoyed by Russell Brand, his foray into politics was a disaster, and I am not amused by many of his recent antics. However, every so often he will do something brilliant. Sometimes it's a documentary on Jack Kerouac, or the "pound shop Enoch Powell" insult to Nigel Farage which perfectly summed him up, or him discussing what happened to his mind when he was the lead story on every news programme in the country. So he's not someone I can completely write-off and another Christmas tradition Spooky Reading Girl and have is to watch the Christmas episode of Ponderland. This was a Brand comedy vehicle where he would do standup around a particular topic like Science or Family and it would be interspersed with archive footage of documentaries and similar cultural objects and the Christmas episode might be the best one. It is deliriously funny at times particularly a memo from a department store concerning problems with their in store Santa Claus. The description of the problems they had was funny enough and when Brand revealed the name of the fired Santa was Norbert Cleaverhook, a name for a 1970s movie serial killer and such a name should preclude any employment let alone as a store Santa Claus.
Father Ted gave us one of the best Christmas specials but more recently the Christmas episode of Peep Show has become a tradition in our house. One of the few things that Jez does believe in is Christmas and despite never really trying with anything he tried hard with Christmas; researching the perfect turkey and buying perfect presents. Mark on the other hand bought Jez salad tongs. Although when Mark's family turn up it is understandable why he has less pleasant Christmas memories than Jez. The behaviour and attitude of Mark's father explained an awful lot about Mark's insecurities.
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| Mark's surprisingly thoughtful Christmas presents from Jez |
The final piece of Christmas entertainment is an episode of Supernatural, Season 3's A Very Supernatural Christmas, that at first seemed to be an anti-Santa monster who punished bad people but was actually a pair of jolly Christmas loving pagan demigods who also like sacrificing human beings, and so break into people's houses and carry them away in a big sack. The pair present themselves as a very respectable married couple, wholesome, polite, they even wear Christmas jumpers, which I have always assumed are only worn by the most evil of creatures. It shouldn't come as too much of a spoiler to learn that the heroes of the show killed them both.The show does remind us all that so much of our Christmas tradition has a pagan origin.
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| The jolly Christmas sacrifice |
So here's to a Christmas full of pagan gods, nativity inspired rock operas and most of all Bill Murray.
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